[Excerpt from Bliss Copyright © 2017 Edward K. Watson. All rights reserved. Chapter 6.]

 

Great guys will not marry women they are ashamed of. It’s just a fact of life. Men can be ashamed of their wives if they did something dumb or embarrassing, but that happens after marriage.

No decent guy will marry a woman he cannot brag about to his family, friends, and colleagues. They may not see it or agree with him, but he needs to believe he’s lucky he’s marrying her.

Which brings us to you. Can he be proud of you and show you off to his family, friends, and colleagues? Will people be telling him he’s “lucky” to have you?

If you want a Prince, be a Princess (AKA, “What Would Kate Middleton do?”)

What word springs into people’s minds when they think of Kate Middleton when she married Prince William? Classy? Dignified? Graceful? Gorgeous? Elegant? Who in that relationship got “lucky” with their partner? Sure, she bagged a prince, but it’s hard to argue he didn’t marry someone who was better than him.

Young women naturally emulate other apparently successful women to attract a man. Perhaps the biggest mistake they make is looking to celebrities as their examples. Luminaries like movie and television stars, models, singers, dancers, or just about any famous and rich person live glamorous lifestyles. Many of these women can get drunk, party, destroy property, make scenes, fight, abuse others, and dress like sluts; yet society thinks they’re “cool” or “hip” and there are no apparent downsides to their behavior.

Unfortunately, most women who emulate these celebrities do not have what these celebrities have: people who shield and protect them from the harmful consequences of their actions. The rich and famous can afford to hire dozens of assistants, lawyers, and publicists to insulate them from the harm of their actions; the average woman has no such safety net.

All destructive actions have negatives. The rich merely prevent or minimize their visibility and effects to the public.

So, let’s examine Kate Middleton and how she got her prince. She met him while both were students at the university. She was gorgeous, funny, and classy. She didn’t sleep around. They spent lots of time together and eventually started dating. They became a couple and were recognized by everyone as an exclusive pair. However, after he dragged his feet about marrying her, she broke up with him. He became jealous when seeing her surrounded by other guys whom she could select to marry and realized that he’s letting the best thing that’s ever happened to him slip away. They reconciled, and he eventually went down on one knee and asked her to marry him. And the rest is history.

Think about Kate and how she appeared and how she acted. Would William marry her if he was ashamed of her? Or did he marry her because he loved her and was so incredibly proud of her?

Who do you think would get a better husband, a woman like Kate or a celebrity who’s always in the tabloids for getting drunk, sleeping around, or fighting? Which role model should you then follow if you want to get a great guy to be your partner through life?

Have Standards but Don’t Try to Change Him

Many women view relationships as a challenge. They are attracted to the confident “Bad boys” and arrogant jerks who don’t care about the feelings or concerns of women. These women believe they can tame these men—that even though these men are bad for them, they will be the one who’ll change a rough, tough, inconsiderate sexy bastard into the perfect husband. When (not if, but when) they fail, they invariably blame all men to be assholes.

What you need to understand is when a traditional guy wants to be with a woman and sees she’s classy and has high standards, he will do his very best to change himself to be worthy of her. She does not need to try to change him. For example, she does not need to tell him she wants him to stop smoking. She will just tell him at the very beginning as he’s trying to woo her that she will never go out with a guy who smokes. It’s a non-negotiable condition.

Draw up a list of things that you do not want in a husband and determine which are nonnegotiable, which can be tolerated despite not being zero tolerance, and which you prefer a boyfriend or husband not do but won’t break up with him over it.

Use the tables below as examples and customize them with your personal choices.

My Expectations in a Boyfriend or Husband

(1) Nonnegotiable Violations

(zero tolerance – immediate break-up)

  • Controlling
  • Abusive
  • Manipulative
  • Obsessive
  • Does criminal acts
  • Cheats
  • Does not love and care for others, especially children
  • Lies and deceives
  • Takes pleasure in the suffering of others
  • Does not care for the safety of others
  • Jealous
  • Spies on me
  • Believes others instead of me
  • Does not trust me
  • Addicted to smoking/drugs/ gambling
  • Mismanages/destroys family finances/savings

 

My Expectations in a Boyfriend or Husband

(2) Tolerated on Occasion

(too frequent will result in break-up)

  • Gets drunk
  • Parties with friends
  • Goes to strip clubs
  • Flirts with others
  • Disrespects people I love/care about
  • Irresponsible/blames others
  • Does not forgive/holds grudge
  • Finds fault
  • Explosive temper
  • Stonewalls/perform “Silent treatment”
  • Destroys property
  • Selfish
  • Pouts/complains/ whines
  • Makes a scene
  • Ostentatious/ pretentious
  • Full of drama
  • Gullible/only listens to one side
  • Conceited/narcissistic
  • Always arguing
  • Too needy
  • Shallow

 

My Expectations in a Boyfriend or Husband

(3) Prefer he didn’t

(won’t break-up but will fight with him)

  • Swears
  • Leaves dirty clothes on floor
  • Picks nose in public
  • Farts in a movie theater
  • Tells dirty jokes to my boss
  • Gossip
  • Always talking
  • Braggart
  • Hypercompetitive
  • Asks questions but disregards the answers

 

This book contains many things you may want to put on your list, or you can come up with other things that are very important to you. When you’re done, keep a printed copy handy and show it to the guys who are trying to go out with you. They may think you’re weird at the beginning since they’ve probably never seen anything like it, but ask them if the title was changed to “My Expectations in a Girlfriend or Wife” which ones do they disagree with? Do they really want a wife that is controlling or manipulative? Do they really want a wife who’ll cheat on them or is abusive? Do they really want a wife who’s always partying and getting drunk in public?

As you explain that you don’t believe in trying to change a husband; whomever you’ll marry must not do those things just as you will not do them. It’s nothing personal against him – you have standards and will not compromise your dignity. If he wants a girlfriend or wife like you, he must accept you for whom and what you are.

Any guy like me would be so proud to have a found a woman with principles who knows what she wants in a guy and refuses to lower her standards. If she becomes my girlfriend or wife; this means I’m the man she was looking for, and she is very proud of me and for finding a guy like me.

Unless women abandon the misconception that they need to change a guy, they will never find contentment with a man.

Sex Video + Internet = Forever

Before making a sex video or taking pictures of you naked or having sex, ask yourself, would your fiancé or future husband be proud of you if the sex videos or pictures ended up on the internet and his family and friends found out about them?

Regardless of how much fun you think it’ll be to create a sex movie and how it’ll never be seen by anyone else; a significant percentage (and some say the majority) of sex videos end up on the internet.

Advances in face recognition and artificial intelligence technologies mean the millions of other sex videos on the internet no longer confer the anonymity they once did. What this means is as we integrate more and more with technology, especially when instant recognition and background information becomes ubiquitous with our daily lives; there will be no filters stopping anyone, especially our children and grandchildren, from either asking or helpfully being provided internet-based sex records about us.

This should terrify you. If you make a sex video, and it gets released on the internet either deliberately or by the storage medium getting hacked, it’ll almost be a guarantee that a simple query by our children, co-workers, or potential employers about us will have a helpful AI assistant finding those films and showing them to whoever asks.

Having a sex video or pictures of one’s sexual activities on the internet is extremely difficult for a guy to accept in his intended bride. Most of everything else can be covered up and hidden, but the very public nature of the internet means anyone, the guy, his mother, or his brothers, can see a woman having the most intimate of sexual activities anytime they want.

Just imagine how your family will react if your brother’s new girlfriend had a sex video on the internet! Would you check it out? What about your mom, dad, or other relatives? What about your circle of friends or relatives? How awkward will those family dinners be? What will be your impression of your prospective sister-in-law? Especially if she was having really dirty sex or was doing it with multiple partners? Would you urge him to marry her or would you and your whole family be clamoring for him to dump her?

What I’m saying is think of the consequences before recording your sexual activities. You may not care now, but when you’re older and more mature, especially if you’ve become “respectable,” your attitude will change. Just think of how the reputations of many famous and successful women were destroyed when nude or sexual pictures and videos of them were released on the internet. Don’t take the chance of it happening to you.

Reputations matter. This is why celebrities who have sex videos online will usually claim that the video or photos were stolen and uploaded to the internet without their permission, and they were having sex with their committed partner that they recorded for their private pleasure.

Think of your future and the big picture of your life. Of course, your parents and grandparents make similar mistakes when they were young, but they were fortunate the internet did not exist back then to create a permanent record of their youthful idiocies. Would you look at your grandmother and mother with the same respect if you could watch their sexual activities online whenever you wanted?

Unlike our parents and grandparents whose sexual misdeeds could be covered up and kept hidden by simply moving to a new town or changing names; the internet has made it so much harder to stay anonymous. In short, there are no secrets wherever there is a record.

Bliss_6

A server of a restaurant that I frequented looked very familiar and reminded me of a woman that I’ve seen in a sex video. I remembered the film so re-examined it and after revisiting the restaurant realized that the server was the star of the film, moles, and tattoos and all. I never told her or hinted that I knew what she did since it’s none of my business and it would be wrong for me to say anything that would cause her embarrassment or jeopardize her livelihood.

So, always practice “safe” sex by making sure there are no electronic devices recording your encounter. That means, no webcams, cameras, and any other electronic device that can record what you’re doing. If you have a webcam, or another recording device pointed in the direction where you’re about to have sex, make sure you unplug them or cover them with an opaque material in case someone’s hacked into them so that they cannot record your sexual activities.

Also, keep the movie on a storage device that is never connected to an online computer and password protect it with the strongest encryption you can get. The best thing to do would be to physically destroy the storage device so that no one can ever see your movie.

Nice Guys do not Marry Women Who Practice Loveless Sex

Our society has made any criticism of promiscuous sex by women a taboo. Somehow the criticism of the activity is slut-shaming, sex bullying, misogynistic, or sexist. I frankly do not care if a woman willingly has had ten, twenty, or fifty prior sexual partners. It’s her choice and none of my business. However, guys like me won’t marry these type of women if they frequently had sexual activities with men they weren’t emotionally connected to, within an exclusive relationship. In other words, we won’t marry women who’ve had numerous instances of loveless sex just for the sake of having sex. That’s our choice.

This isn’t about the number of sexual partners a woman may have had; it is about what she values, her decision-making, her credibility, and her self-respect. To us, it’s crazy to believe everything a woman did in her past validates her credibility—except her sexual history. Her history of loan repayments determines her credit worthiness; her education determines her academic credibility; her work experience determines her suitability for a new job; but her previous sexual history is completely irrelevant to whether she’ll make a good wife?

Great guys have choices. They know they don’t have to settle for a woman with a history of poor choices. They don’t need to be with a woman they assume will eventually cheat on them because of her history of decoupling sexual intimacy from emotion (especially guilt). In short, these men don’t have to settle for women whose sexual history increases the likelihood of an unhappy marriage or divorce.

You don’t need to listen to me or anyone else—just ask yourself, what will be the effect on your life and marriage prospects to a great guy if you started using sex as a commodity without an emotional commitment to a guy within an exclusive relationship? Do you think a great guy will overlook the fact that you’ve had dozens of sexual encounters with guys whose names you don’t even remember or even knew in the first place?

Regardless of what teenagers and young women have been made to believe that there is no downside to casual wanton sex or hookups while young or in college; there’s actually an enormous impact: How you act and the things you do in that brief moment of your indulgent youth have very severe long-term internal and external repercussions during the majority of your life as an adult.

A consequence of promiscuous sex is the more sexual partners you’ve had before marriage, the more likely you’ll be unhappy within marriage. This is because regular sex with your husband over the years and decades may not be as exciting as the wild exuberance of a prior fling or relationship. It’s much easier becoming dissatisfied with plain vanilla sex because you know better that it’s possible to have mind-blowing sex (while forgetting the reason why permanent relationships with the prior great sex partners didn’t occur).

Another internal consequence is the emotional baggage associated with the post-sex realization that you were nothing more than a sex object to a guy or group of guys and was discarded when you served your purpose. This may result in crying, self-harm, self-hatred, depression, or shame (to say nothing about the potential sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy).

An external consequence is the fact that if you were promiscuous while young, people would know and talk about it, and your children may later learn about it. Do you really think blaming your sex videos on being “Young and dumb” or “college” will rebuild their faith in their mother as a decent woman? Do you expect them not to use that as a weapon against you when they’re misbehaving teenagers? Are you so naïve to think they won’t use your youthful stupidity to justify their youthful idiocy? (“Who are you to criticize me mom when you had a gang bang with three guys when you were my age?”)

Despite being the opposite of what our popular culture teaches, the easiest thing to make your life better and improve your sense of self-worth is to be “classy.”

Be Classy, not Trashy

No decent and loving man will ever brag to his friends that his fiancé is trashy. However, they all brag if they’re going to marry a classy woman.

Being classy means having self-control and being proud of who you are as a woman. It is that quiet grace, poise, elegance, and dignity that you show the world and the public, where you know you are attractive without needing to draw attention to yourself by being loud or lewd. It is being in control of your body language and how others perceive it. It is about you thinking about the feelings and needs of others instead of just focusing on yourself. You can be a sex fiend all you want with your guy (and the naughtier, the better), but in public, you still need to be classy.

The very rich and elite in every country know the value of being classy—which is one reason why they are very rich and part of the elite—and why they stay there. They take advantage of the finishing and charm schools and tutors (as well as special service or courses provided by numerous private and boarding schools) where they and their children learn how to speak and act in a manner appropriate to succeed in the upper echelons of society.

People wishing to learn these vital social skills may pay several thousand dollars for a one-week basic course or over a $20,000 for an intense three-month course in a finishing school (while the very wealthy usually hire private tutors for bespoke training).

To be honest, you don’t really need to spend lots of money to learn to be classy unless you want to learn specific skills to accomplish a precise goal such as how to hold a wine glass or set the table for parties.

If you want to save thousands of dollars and still learn how to be classy; pay close attention to the list below of things both men[1] and women should and shouldn’t do.

The list is admittedly extensive, and it is easy to gloss over, but by keeping them in mind and trying to live by them, you will become and stay classy—and be a person any man will be proud of.

  • Never compromise your principles, regardless of peer pressure
  • Say please and thank you
  • Speak courteously and respectfully to others, including food servers, sales clerks, and janitors
  • Say excuse me or pardon me when bumping or trying to get past someone
  • Apologize whenever offense or hurt occurred
  • Chew with your mouth closed; don’t talk when you have food in your mouth; keep your elbows off the table when eating; use a napkin to wipe your mouth, especially while eating saucy or watery foods; don’t reach across someone but ask if they can pass the item; remove excessive lipstick before you drink from a glass; use your knife to cut your food; don’t slurp your soup; put your cutlery together and fold your napkin on your plate when you’re finished eating
  • Cover your mouth when burping, sneezing, when you need to pick something out of your teeth, or when you need to gently blow your nose
  • Be physically clean and neat
  • Wash your hands and make sure your nails are clean, but never publicly sanitize your hands immediately after shaking someone’s hand (do that out of sight, like in the bathroom)
  • Don’t pick your nose and ears in public
  • Focus on your companion instead of texting or talking to others
  • Turn off your phone’s ringer when at an event
  • Don’t be late, don’t RSVP and not show up, don’t RSVP just before the scheduled date, and if you can’t attend, reply to the invitation as soon as possible
  • If you’re late to a gathering or event, sit or stand in a place where you avoid distracting others
  • Don’t wear headphones in public unless you’re exercising, studying, or reading
  • Don’t talk on cell phones while in an elevator or when near another person
  • Wear solids, transitions, and pastels, not loud conflicting colors, unless the environment or event requires it
  • When going out in public to organized events, wear dresses, skirts, and slacks; not daisy dukes, halter tops, or fall out of your top outfits
  • Wear minimal makeup and lipstick; not garish paint
  • Wear minimal perfume
  • Wear studs or small hoops instead of large earrings
  • No large and/or multiple tattoos or facial piercings
  • When wearing a dress or skirt, wear panties – never go commando
  • Refrain from swearing and giving people the finger
  • Sit with your knees together
  • Do not constantly yell and scream just because you’re having fun
  • No excessive movement of limbs and head or licking of lips
  • Minimize taking pictures and video such as selfies or of your food
  • Don’t leave a mess for someone else to clean up
  • When invited to a party, bring wine or a gift for the host (such as a plant or flowers in a nice vase), bring appropriate food if you have unique dietary requirements to not create an extra burden on your host, and help clean up
  • When hosting a party, make sure there’s sufficient food, drinks, and seating areas for all invited and your guests are as comfortable as possible – think of their needs instead of imposing your desires and wants
  • Don’t inconvenience others unless absolutely necessary
  • Don’t have public fights or divulge sensitive details of your life, work, and fears on social media or to those who do not need to know—keep them private
  • Do NOT lose control—don’t get drunk, fight, make a scene, or behave in any way that you’ll regret if your picture was plastered on the news the next day

The above behaviors are attributes of a classy person, regardless of whether they are a woman or a man. Ignore them at your peril. Seeing anyone violate them tells us they’re trashy and lack proper etiquette and respect for others.

The earlier you start living the classy lifestyle, the easier you’ll be respected and honored by all who interact with you—and the easier it’ll be for your desired guy to be proud of you.

Great Guys do not Marry or Stay Married to Women who don’t Control Their Emotions

Just as great women do not stay with men who can’t control their emotions, the same holds true with great guys.

I know it’s so hard being young nowadays. Most of your role models are from popular culture and entertainment. The traditional source of mentorship that guided our ancestors (such as wise elders and religious leaders) no longer possess the authority that they used to. Friends, especially social media “friends” and networks are usually echo chambers that reinforce foolish and immature decisions instead of providing balance and counterpoints.

This has resulted in great confusion: How should a young woman react when her boyfriend does stupid things or breaks up with her? Who’s going to tell her it’s not ok to destroy his things, clean out his apartment, harm him financially, send him hundreds of text messages and voice mails, stalk him, lie to the police about him, harm herself, badmouth him to his family and friends, or have revenge sex with his buddies?

Will a wise mother, aunt, or grandmother advise a young broken-hearted woman that she should do any of those destructive things, or, will they advise her to keep her dignity and get on with her life?

While a teenager, I had a girlfriend who was extremely insecure. She wanted to control me by demanding to know where I was at every moment, who I met, and what I did. She also tried manipulating me by telling me she’ll kill herself if I ever broke up with her and even showed me the scars on her wrists where she cut herself previously. Her line was, if her cousin could do it, she could also (her cousin committed suicide over a guy).

Naturally, I was terrified since I was still an immature teenager and didn’t want to get blamed if she went through with it. I stayed in the relationship, but I hated it and hated her. I eventually started treating her poorly just to drive her away. It worked, and I couldn’t wait to get as far away from her as possible.

It is a sign of immaturity to be so insecure about oneself and the relationship that one needs to try to control and manipulate the other party.[2] This behavior usually disappears as one gets older, but there are some who can’t seem to abandon these very harmful actions that make a relationship a living hell. We call these people psychopaths or sociopaths.

It goes without saying that no sane guy will want to be with a woman who is manipulative and tries to control him just as any rational woman should run away from a guy who does likewise. It is scary to be with someone who’s already planning the wedding after just one or two dates or have a girlfriend who’s so obsessed with the relationship that she celebrates anniversaries by the week and month. It is impossible for a guy to ever be proud of a woman who lacks basic self-control. He may overlook it and still marry her, but it is unlikely he will stay married to her.

CAMO: Recognize the Signs of Harmful Behavior

CAMO stands for:

C – Controlling

A – Abusive

M – Manipulative

O – Obsessive

CAMO is very dangerous to a relationship. It usually occurs when the couple exits the initial Infatuation Stage, and they start trying to change or mold the other into becoming the type of person they want.[3] This needs to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible for the marriage to grow and become a healthy relationship.

Controlling: ANY situation where a person can no longer interact with his/her family and friends and others to whom they’ve had a social life with. The person needs to report all or most of his/her daily activities and interactions to the other. The person stops doing, wearing, or buying things that he/she enjoys because their partner will get upset or fight or hurt them. The person gives up their goals, preferences, and dreams and adopts their partner’s goals, preferences, and dreams.

Abusive: ANY situation where one person is made to feel worthless by his or her partner. ANY infliction of unwanted physical, sexual, and mental pain and trauma.

When my wife and I first became a couple, she told me something that made my blood run cold. She said, “I’ll understand if you beat me up on occasion.” I replied, “What!!!??? That’s horrible! That is never acceptable under any circumstances! Husbands are never supposed to do that!”

My wife grew up in what we would consider a “dysfunctional” environment where physical abuse was commonly given by the adult to the child or husband to the wife. It was a ghastly life for anyone to be in and to think of it as normal family behavior.

After explaining that I will never hit her, I made it very clear that that “poison” stops and will not be allowed to continue into the next generation of our children.

And it hasn’t. We have a happy and loving home. Whenever I tease my wife and ask her if I can beat her, she quickly responds with, “Heh. I’ll beat YOU up!”

Manipulative: Nearly ANY conversation that starts with, “If you really love me, you’ll . . .” ANY situation where a person is made to feel guilty even if he/she did nothing wrong, especially on items that are personal preferences like meals or clothing styles. ANY situation where a person is forced to carry the insecurities of another, being blamed for the failures of others or made to doubt themselves by constantly being corrected.

Obsessive: ANY situation that makes the other person uncomfortable or embarrassed by the actions and words of his/her partner.

Great guys will not be controlling, abusive, manipulative, or obsessive. And neither should you. While there will always be adjustments at the beginning of any relationship where either party will attempt to influence the other to their own desires; the sooner you identify the CAMO behaviors and establish boundaries, the better and nicer your relationship will be.

Establish and Respect Boundaries

One of the first things you two need to agree upon early in the relationship is you must promise to never try to control the other’s life, always be truthful, and never attempt to manipulate the other, especially by playing mind games or by being obsessive. It’s hard to follow this rule at the beginning, especially if you’re still young, but you will quickly find life’s simpler and much nicer this way.

We made it a point right at the beginning of our relationship that neither one of us would try to manipulate or control the other. Absolutely no mind games! As a result, my wife continued to spend time with her male and female friends and would be talking and texting with them even late at night. She’d go to Las Vegas on occasion just to spend several days with them. She even went on vacation to the Philippines for three weeks with the kids while I stayed home and worked, and while there met up with her friends from school.

When we tell each other our day, we don’t need to know every detail of what the other did, or whom they met. We trust each other and respect the fact that despite we’re a couple, we still need our own space.

Have an honest agreement on where the limits are to your relationship that you two are both comfortable with. If something starts feeling “creepy” to either party – perhaps those matching sweaters or constant declarations of “I love you” or always being together; the guilty party should be informed that their actions are making the other uncomfortable, and you need your personal space for the relationship to continue to grow.

It should be very clear to both of you that you two are learning how to be a couple, and you’re going to make mistakes that upset the other. That’s normal and by trial and error, you will eventually settle into the ideal zone where you enjoy each other’s company to a certain extent while keeping your own personal space. That’s healthy!

Any attempt by either party to manipulate or control the other should immediately be shot down! That harmful behavior needs to stop quickly if your relationship has any chance of being a happy and loving one. The guilty party often doesn’t realize how transparent the attempted coercion was and how insecure it made them look. An instantaneous “Stop that! I’m feeling that you’re trying to control (or manipulate) me into doing something I don’t want to do. Let me have my personal space.” would be helpful.

Fights are Normal but should Decrease with Time

Every new couple fights. It is part of the adjustment of changing from being single to a couple – with entirely new limits and restrictions. It is usually caused by territoriality, pride, and continuation of habits that the other objects to or dislikes. The fights usually flare up despite the intent of the offender may have been good or innocent. As you progress through the fights, you will realize there are red lines that are non-negotiable, and there are issues that are really inconsequential and not worth fighting about—but you usually won’t know what they are until after you get into a fight.

Just keep in mind most fights should not destroy the relationship. Taking ownership when it’s your fault instead of blaming the other and saying, “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong, please forgive me” goes a long way towards preserving something wonderful.

Warning Signs of Toxic Behavior

Watch out for the following signs of toxic behavior during and after fights:

  • Refuses to apologize
  • Refuses to admit being wrong
  • Refuses to stop fighting or delays reconciliation and the restoration of the normal affectionate relationship
  • Stonewalls/withdraws from interaction and communication
  • Does not forgive
  • Starts screaming, hitting, or breaking things
  • Brings up past fights and faults
  • Keeps doing and saying the same things to start new fights

If you want to have a happy relationship, neither of you should have the above toxic behavior when it comes to fights.[4]

My wife was very young when we first started dating while I was older and already experienced marriage. One day we got into a big fight about something. The issue of the fight isn’t important, but the immediate outcome of the fight is she burst into tears. It wasn’t tears in an attempt to manipulate me into doing something she wanted; it was due to her fear that I would break up with her.

I was puzzled. “Why would I break up with you?” I asked. She replied, “Because we’ve had a big fight.”

I then explained that just because we’ve had a fight is not a good enough reason to break up. Fights are normal in every new relationship.

Even though we’ve now been married for many years; we still fight on occasion, but it’s very rare and usually because I did something stupid and inconsiderate.

Again, fights are normal at the start of any relationship. Only someone still young and immature thinks fights are sufficient grounds to end a relationship. As you two grow in the relationship and respect each other’s boundaries and avoid harmful behaviors such as trying to control or manipulate the other; the frequency of fights will decrease with time, and you’ll occupy a happy center.

If the frequency and severity of the fighting actually increase with time despite you respecting boundaries and avoiding harmful behavior; there are serious issues that need to be confronted, and it may be better to end the relationship before it gets more toxic or physically dangerous.

Piercings and Tattoos

Piercings and tattoos have become very popular since the turn of the century, but the drastic and large body modifications never really penetrated the upper social classes. There, less or no tattoos or piercings are better.

Decide early, before embarking on extensive body modifications, what kind of class of husband and family you want to be associated with throughout your life.

If your desired guy’s family is refined and cultured, unnecessary problems can be avoided by not getting those large and numerous tattoos and piercings. If they’re enthusiastic body modifiers, by all means, do likewise if you wish. Just remember, it’s easier getting tattoos and piercings when you have none than to get rid of them after you have them. This is why while it may be “so romantic” and proof that you love him to get his name tattooed on your body; it’s probably smarter to wait until you’re in your late 30s to make sure you won’t need to remove it if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Tattoos and piercings follow the same path as all other fads and styles: They become popular with the “cool” kids, then others follow them until “everybody’s doing it” at which time something else comes along and what was formerly awesome is obsolete, and there’s a new thing that’s cool.[5]

Just look at the hairstyles, clothes, and glasses from your parents’ and grandparents’ eras. Don’t they look goofy? Bell bottoms, wide lapels, and beehive hairdos? Really? But people of those times thought they were cool just as many people today think it’s cool to get their clits or nipples pierced or run a spike through their lips and cheeks or put huge plugs in their earlobes.

No fad or style lasts forever, and it’s a lot harder getting rid of tattoos and gaping holes in your body when the next cool thing comes along than it was for your parents and grandparents to just throw out their clothes and cut their hair.

Dress for the Occasion

Dress for the occasion: Modest and dignified for his family and colleagues, sexier when it’s just the two of you going out.

No grandmother or aunt will seriously tell a man his date’s a keeper if her boobs are hanging out of her top and her butt is hanging out of her dress or pants during family dinner.

Dress modestly for his family. This means a dress or blouse and below the knees skirt. Use minimal jewelry—less is better (stud or small earrings, pearl necklace or thin chain) and just a dab of perfume and minimal make-up. Do not wear daisy dukes, sweat pants, or form-hugging outfits like yoga pants. If you’re going swimming with his family, wear a one-piece or shorts that cover the contours of your genitals. You want his family to respect you and think he’s lucky to have you; not have a drunken brother hit on you or feel you up.

Go nuts when it’s just the two of you going to the beach or on a trip, or to a club. That’s where it’s perfectly fine to wear that dental floss micro-bikini that flaunts your camel toe or dress where your tits are about to pop out and is so short that your bottom is exposed whenever you bend over.

Here’s something about us guys that you need to take to heart: Most of us enjoy seeing other men ogle our dates and be envious—just not our close family members and friends.

Smoking, Drugs, and Drinking

While smoking and doing drugs are incredibly harmful, a lot of people use them, and a substantial percentage of these users are actually addicted.

While I seriously doubt the occasional marijuana or pot will make anyone an addict, there’s a lot to be said for a woman who does not smoke or does drugs at all. That tells people that she has self-respect and is smart enough to stay away from substances that can seriously harm or kill her. She is also someone who can control her impulses and resist harmful peer pressure.

As a person who does not smoke nor do drugs, I would never marry a woman who smoked or did drugs, and I’m certain most guys in my position wouldn’t either. I would be ashamed to be with such a woman and would immediately break off the relationship if I found out she took those substances.

Having said that, if you smoke or do drugs and will not or cannot quit, you’ll need to make sure your desired guy also smokes or does drugs so that he won’t be ashamed of you for taking the same substances he takes.

It is highly unlikely a great guy who does not smoke or does drugs will marry a smoker or drug addict. I’m not saying it cannot happen, just very unlikely. Furthermore, there’s just too many negatives associated with smoking and drug use to ever imagine nonsmokers and nonusers being proud of someone just because he or she smokes and takes drugs.

Drinking is another matter. Many more people drink than smoke or do drugs, and most do not drink to the point where they become drunk and lose control of themselves.

If you drink outside your home, make sure to limit your drinks so that you don’t drink to excess. Here’s how you’ll know where your limit is: If you pass out; you’ve gone too far. If you puked your guts out; you’ve gone too far. If you don’t have any memory of what happened the previous night; you’ve gone too far. If you started fighting with someone; you’ve gone too far. If you fell asleep on the couch; you’ve gone too far. If you start showing your boobs or vulva to total strangers; you’ve gone too far. If you started making out with anyone, especially if he wasn’t your guy; you’ve really gone too far!

Drink to when you relax and have fun and then STOP! Switch to an unopened can or bottle of pop or juice until you’re ready to go home. Make sure you open the can or bottle yourself to ensure no additional alcohol is getting into your body. It is vital that you maintain control over your body and actions because it shows you can have a great time without becoming an embarrassment to him.

Be Someone He Can Brag About

Live your life in a manner he can brag about. You can do so much to make him brag to others about how wonderful you are and how lucky he is to have you in his life.

Get an education or career he can point to with pride. If that isn’t possible, do charity work or community service that helps others. Even if you’re only working a minimum wage job, there’s a big difference to him and his circle between you having a menial job and having no job, or having a menial job in a place you really love, or even having a menial job but also spending your free time volunteering at the hospital, retirement home, or SPCA.

Learn a skill and accomplish a worthwhile goal. Do something challenging and something you’ve never done before.

The point is, when he sees you making the world a better place, making his life better by being his woman, and making yourself a better person; he will be proud of both the woman you are and the woman you’re working to become.

Be Stable and Semi-Independent

Good men want women who are stable and semi-independent. We do not want women who can’t handle life’s difficulties, setbacks, and challenges. The “Hapless damsel in distress” only works for a little while and usually only at the earliest stages of the relationship. If we observe you frequently breaking down, throwing a fit, or giving up just because things are hard or don’t go your way; we’re going to think you’re immature and not worth it. We’re too tired from work or school or from fighting our own battles to repeatedly come to your rescue. Occasionally is fine and boosts our ego as your hero; but if it becomes a habit, we’ll just tell you to handle it yourself or go away just to get some peace. We want to be with a woman, not a child. Just think of how’d you react if your guy acted the same way?

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In practical terms, this means you need to be emotionally strong, capable of managing your life in most areas, but still rely on your man to do certain things that you can’t or prefer not to do on your own.

It could be something as simple as asking him to open a jar, kill the spider in the bathroom, or take out the trash. We men need to think we are essential to your survival and happiness, but we expect you to manage things that you can easily do on your own.

Some of the things you need to do on your own are:

  • Cook and bake
  • Clean and redecorate
  • Manage money and pay bills
  • Replace, fix, and assemble

There are many other things you should be capable of doing on your own to make yourself a well-rounded person, but these four areas are things all good men expect their women to do on their own.

Cook and Bake

It has become the social standard that the expectation that women need to know how to cook and bake is sexist. You may certainly feel that way, but if you’re smart, you can take advantage of that social conditioning by standing out from the rest of the competition.

I’m not going to lie: There are times when guys prefer a great meal than sex and the hungrier we feel, the more we’ll prefer it. This is why we love women who are great cooks and bakers. Given a choice between two women who are identical in every way except one is a great cook and the other can’t cook will result in virtually every man wanting the former to become his wife.

We men are immensely proud of our women when we can bring something she made to work to share with our colleagues and friends. Having others tell us we’re so lucky to have such a wife is a great boost to our ego.

Even those who claim they cannot cook can easily make bacon and eggs. Toast is as simple as placing a slice of bread in the toaster. Rice is done by merely putting the rice and some water in a rice cooker and pressing a button.

You’re fortunate – cooking and baking are easier than ever! Gone forever are the days when our great-grandmothers had to use whatever ingredient was on hand or in season to make a dish palatable. For all you novice cooks out there, now all you have to do is get a pre-made meal with all the ingredients included in the pack and just cook it in a pan (just follow the directions on the box or label). As you get more confident with experience, go online and become more creative. There are millions of free recipes, and every supermarket carries hundreds of spices, seasonings, and sauces to make the most mundane meal sparkle with flavor.

The old saying that “the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is mostly true: Make him fabulous meals he’ll never forget and he’ll be immensely proud of you.

My wife’s a wonderful cook and baker (and my waistline proves it). Our guests always celebrate parties at our house, because of the quality of her food. One of her signature dishes is a pork barbecue on a skewer, comprised of marinated sliced pork tenderloin that is barbecued on the grill. I beam with immense pride whenever someone asks me if I’ll be bringing her pork barbecue at an upcoming potluck.

Clean and Redecorate

You should be capable of cleaning your own place. It is a massive turn-off for decent guys when they visit a woman’s home only to see dirty dishes piled up in the sink, rings in the toilet, rust stains in the sink, or clothes and dirt on the floor. We’ll tolerate it for casual sex, but never with someone we’re thinking of spending the rest of our life with.

Warning alarms go off in our heads that if we marry such a woman, our homes are going to be disaster zones, and we can’t bring any of our friends or family over.

While it is true most women outgrow their messy stage when they get older; it is also true that most guys don’t grasp this fact. To them, what they see is what will always be.

Besides, you should be proud of your home: It is the display of your character and tells everyone what type of person you are. It does not matter if you have modern or traditional tastes, or you love sophisticated classic, modern graphic, rustic, or cozy, casual decors; what matters is how clean and tidy your home is.

If you just recently started living on your own and still haven’t got into the habit of making sure your home’s always clean; have professional cleaners come in a few days before your date with your desired guy to make sure the place is spotless or clean it yourself, with or without the help of your girlfriends.

After the house is clean, it’s much easier to maintain it by simply doing quick rubdowns and vacuums a couple of times a week.

Learn to redecorate. It’s actually enjoyable repainting rooms, stenciling, hanging up new mirrors or picture frames on the walls, and getting a new rug. It’s almost like getting an entirely new house. If home renovations are needed, that’s when you enlist his help or hire a professional.

Manage Money and Pay Bills

One of the hardest part of marriage is managing money. It drives responsible people crazy when their partners (either man or a woman) cannot balance their checkbook or budget.

Don’t get so many credit cards. Stick to one or two and live within your means. If you can’t pay for that purse or cute shoes in cash or within a month, do NOT buy it. Don’t let your credit card bill keep growing without zeroing your balance within the month. You’ll be shocked at how huge your interest payments become after just a few months of charging to your cards. That amount gets larger and larger the more you charge, and it won’t be long until you’re crying yourself to sleep because you’re struggling to pay the minimum payments.

Control your impulse to buy things just because you have a credit card. Set up automatic payments so you won’t miss paying your regular bills. Put aside five or ten percent of your income into a savings account so that you’ll have money in case of an emergency.

Being able to manage money is a crucial part of being a responsible adult, and if you can’t manage it, you and your husband are going to be spectacularly unhappy and miserable. Ignoring bills won’t make the problem go away.

If your desired guy sees you constantly buying things and charging them to credit cards without zeroing your balance; that mountain of credit card bills will become a nearly insurmountable obstacle to him proposing marriage. He knows he will become legally liable to make sure it gets paid off and he’ll be scared that your spending compulsion may bankrupt him if not stopped immediately.

This problem also exists with some guys. If your guy has a money management problem, be very concerned, because that signifies you will become legally liable to make sure debts get paid off. Your marriage will likely suffer severe financial hardship due to lack of financial discipline. It sucks when you work really hard, and there’s nothing to show for it.

Replace, Fix, and Assemble

New boyfriends will usually leap at the chance to help and show off when they find out their girlfriend needs something replaced, fixed, or assembled.

Don’t give in to the temptation to just let him take care of the problem. Here’s a rule you should always follow: If something small and simple needs doing, just do it without asking or expecting him to do it—and just tell him afterward. Learn to replace lights or air filters for your home. Fix those wobbly legs of the table and chairs by tightening the nuts. Locate your fuse box panel and know how to reset tripped fuses. Troubleshoot that computer and reset the phone or tablet. Kill that bug with a broom. Lift the toilet’s tank lid and reattach that dropped chain to stop the water running. Set your TV programs. Assemble that dresser and coffee table you bought from the store.

However, if something is large, heavy, awkward, or dirty, then let him do it or help him do it. He’s the one who takes charge of assembling the bookcases or installing the washer and dryer. He’s the one who cuts and prunes the tree’s branches, changes the car’s oil, or cleans the gutters. He’s the one who carries most of the weight of the couch and bed when carrying them up the stairs. He’s the one who carries the heavy grocery bags and lawn bags full of grass and leaves. When the task is done, make sure you give him a drink and feed him well as a gesture of your appreciation.

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This practice tells him two things: You are semi-independent, and you need him. You are not a helpless child who needs him to do everything for you. You can survive but still require help from your man. This makes him feel good about himself and makes him very proud of you. You in return, have the satisfaction of accomplishing something on your own and will always feel good about yourself whenever you see that item you’ve assembled or fixed yourself.

My wife will assemble things we get from the store without asking me for help. She assembled a crib without my help (and never lets me forget it). She fixes the computers whenever there’s a software or network problem. She starts and nurtures fires when we go camping. She’ll replace the curtains or rearrange furniture without telling me. She’s the one who pays all the bills and drives the children to their skating or swimming lessons while I’m still at work. She oversees the house cleaning while leaving me to do the bathrooms and lawn.

I am very proud of her. She is semi-independent and needs me for some things, but she makes my life nicer and worthwhile.

And that’s the point. When a man is proud of his woman, he feels good about himself and for being so clever in marrying her and getting her. After you two get married, then divide up the chores so that you share the responsibility for maintaining your home.

Make the “Real” You the Best Woman Possible

You’re not, or at least, you should not be a phony who only pretends to be a great woman who would make the best possible partner to your desired guy. The “real” you is truly a kind and loving woman who cares for others and especially cares for him. You actually do possess those great attributes mentioned earlier, and you’re truthfully making the effort to eliminate those bad habits that no one wants in a spouse.

A great guy does not really care if his wife likes the same things he does. He doesn’t care if his wife’s taste in sports, recreation, food, clothes, music, entertainment programs, art, and other superficial preferences is completely dissimilar to his. What he does care about is whether she possesses the traits that make his life better and whether she has good CREDIT (see Chapters 2 and 7).

In other words, it’s fine to have “nothing in common” provided you two have the same values and trust and love each other. The rest is just a bonus.

My wife and I are very different in so many ways. Our tastes in music couldn’t be more different: I’m into classic rock, and she’s into modern contemporary. She will change the radio stations in my car when she uses it while all I ask is to have one preset dial on her car’s radio set to my taste.

She loves those dancing and singing shows while I’m into sci-fi and science documentaries. She likes shopping; I’m in and out of the malls. I can’t pass a bookstore without stopping; she has to go into every clothing and shoe store in existence. I salivate looking through gun catalogs; she’s hooked on various YouTubers. I love going to the office; she prefers being a homemaker.

Despite our differences, we’re the same on what’s important: Our love for each other and our children, and our words and actions to make the life of the other nicer. There’s no phoniness or pretention—she genuinely embodies the ideal woman for me, and I know I can trust her completely.

So, in conclusion, if you want to have your desired guy marry you and stay with you, you’re going to have to make him proud of you.

[1] Some items are obviously not applicable to men.

[2] Young guys are guiltier of this because of their tendency to become violent and conduct blatant criminal actions.

[3] The different stages of marriage are discussed in greater detail in Contentment (Volume 3 of the Orgasmic Series).

[4] This subject is discussed in further detail in Contentment (Volume 3 of the Orgasmic Series).

[5] Tattoo regret is extremely common and modifying or removing existing tattoos is probably the largest source of revenue in the industry.

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About edwardkwatsonblog

Nonfiction writer - religious studies, project documentation, human relations, self-help, social commentary, and forecasting

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