I was kidnapped when I was six.

I wasn’t the only one—there were five of us, and the youngest was only an eleven-month old baby. On the morning of Mother’s Day in 1974, my mother had five children, and by that evening – and for the next eight Mother’s Days—she had no idea where her children were taken by their father or whether they were even alive.

When she did find us hidden away halfway around the world and tried to take us back to Canada, we resisted. We cursed her. We told her to go away and that we despised her. And thanks to the court system, with its appeals and constant delays, this went on for four years.

It is only as a parent, with my own children, where I can finally understand in some small part the pain my mother went through. Here was a woman who adored her children, who constantly sacrificed for their well-being. She cried when we were hurt and sick, and would beg God to give her the pain we felt just to allow us to enjoy our childhood. She stayed in a controlling and manipulative relationship with a man twice her age in the hopes of providing for her five little ones.

My mother did not deserve what my father, and what her children did to her. No mother should ever hear her children tell her they hate her and want her to go away. Being young and brainwashed shouldn’t be an excuse, but she understood—and continued loving us anyway.

I inherited some of my father’s traits—his natural skepticism, his nonconformity, and his drive to succeed and take chances. He has also been an example of how not to behave as a husband and father. Like my mother, I do not hate him. I just recognize him for what he was: a flawed, proud man molded by his culture and environment.

My Pain and Loss of Faith

I am a product of my unique circumstances. When my first wife lay dying from cervical cancer, I began to question God, and while I could rationalize undeserved suffering and evil in general on a small scale with an all-good, all-powerful God; seeing her in such pain chipped away at my faith.

I was holding her hand when she took her last breath.

The agony of losing my wife and mother to my three young boys was indescribable. It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest and I felt hollow, from my eyes down to my gut. I wanted to die. My best friend and soulmate was gone and the cooling, unresponsive hand I held no longer retained the person I loved. She was gone, and nothing I could do could bring her back to me.

My faith also suffered that day, and it eventually led to me rejecting God and denying his existence a few years later.

For the next decade, I was an atheist. On occasion, I would attend church with my second wife and our children for social reasons and to placate her, but it was a façade, just for show. My heart was cold and closed to any God.

During this time, my career as a technical writer and analyst took off, and I eventually wrote hundreds of major deliverables for over 30 very large projects, including many that were each over a billion dollars of total installed cost.

I became an expert on correlative anthologies such as project execution plans and proposals. I would write, edit, and analyze them to make sure they spoke with a common voice and the sections didn’t contradict one another. Also during this period, I was obsessed with trying to live longer and subscribed to the idea of having myself cryogenically frozen so that I can be revived in the future. I became a fan for mind uploading (digital immortality) and living in the “matrix” at some point in the future.

My writing ventured out of project execution. I wrote a sex-education book so that husbands can become great lovers to their wives, a guide for women on how to find a great partner, and half a dozen other titles that are still unpublished.

I then decided to rewrite a book I wrote when I was still religious to see if I could make a version for the general public on what the Bible really said about Jesus in a manner that is unbiased and does not promote any religion.

Discovering Something I Know as a Subject Matter Expert is Impossible

Using Nestle-Aland 28 as my driver, I cataloged the different New Testament doctrinal concepts about Jesus and grouped them into four domains (Pre-Mortal Jesus, Human Jesus, Resurrected Jesus, and Glorified Jesus). I identified 55 specific doctrines and 180 doctrinal concepts.

I then decided to create a visual representation of these doctrines and was shocked at what appeared: a single, coherent cosmology!

The Gospel's Cosmology

 

When the single cosmology of the New Testament unexpectedly appeared, I fell off my chair. What was revealed was something I knew from personal experience was impossible—and my faith instantly reappeared.

Why the New Testament’s Single Cosmology is Impossible

We all have unique perspectives. Our brains are not wired to have perfectly harmonious viewpoints with each other – there will always be misunderstandings and disagreements. Intelligence and maturity have nothing to do with it. You and I will never believe the exact same thing unless we are influenced by something or someone else to believe in a specific way.

The New Testament’s single cosmology shows it is a correlative anthology—a group of documents that when combined, create a whole that has a single voice and message.

I just so happen to be an expert on correlative anthologies and know they can only be created using a common frame (a specific set of instructions and criteria such as a style guide, a set of specifications, and consistent instructions on what and how the deliverables are to be developed) and a single editor or team of editors (to review each deliverable to ensure they complied with the requirements, identify errors and confirm they are corrected, and rewrite the deliverables if needed so that each piece supports and enhances the objectives of the project).

What is astonishing is, somehow, the nine New Testament authors wrote 27 books containing at least 55 major doctrines relating to Jesus Christ that when put together, created a correlative anthology centered on a single, coherent cosmology—without operating within a common frame and without using a common editor for harmonization.

This is like nine people crafting 55 different kinds of jigsaw puzzle pieces that when grouped together, create a single picture—without working together, without following specific instructions, and without having an editor modify the pieces to fit together.

This cannot be done. It is impossible. It is like saying you can write a book by simply putting a pen and some paper in a box and shaking it vigorously.

It’s hard to put into words at how astonished I was to see this. My faith suddenly returned, and I knew, just knew, Jesus Christ is truly the Son of God because this fact about the New Testament provides a very high probability that it is inspired by God.

God’s Love and Pain

Looking back at my life, the tens of thousands of hours I spent studying the Bible, my work as a technical writer writing manuals and other documentation, the development of my skills in creating and analyzing correlative anthologies, and my data analytics experience – all led to the discovery that would instantly bring me back to God.

As I age, my awareness of the levels of pain has deepened. My return to the fold and renewed prayer and reading the Scriptures has allowed me to feel the Holy Spirit within me, where he gives me peace and the assurance that everything – the good and even the bad – is in accordance with God’s will.

I no longer intellectually understand God’s love; I feel it. And it is precious beyond belief.

The pain my mother felt when her children were kidnapped, and the pain I felt when my wife died were extreme – but these were nothing compared to the pain God feels, when we sin and reject him, and when he had his Son die for us because of his great love for us.

God loved mankind so much, that he gave up his only Son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 14:6)

 For while we were powerless, Christ died at the appointed time for us sinners. . . 8 But God proved his great love for us—although we were sinners, Christ died for us! (Romans 5:6,8)

My disbelief could not withstand God’s love. I know God is real, and he sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die for our sins.

I finally get it.

 

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About edwardkwatsonblog

Nonfiction writer - religious studies, project documentation, human relations, self-help, social commentary, and forecasting

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